This title of course I mentioned in a previous blog post so I thought that now I have talked a little about themes and layers I will bring it up again. Many years ago I was set the task in a communication studies course of writing an essay on this topic. As I recall I set about dissecting the statement to discover whether it was flawed in anyway.
One cannot not communicate
Its a toughie is it not? Of course you can say I am not going to talk to anyone-yet that in itself is a communication. You could also be let down by your non-verbal communication. That is actually one of my own biggest bug-bears with ‘communication experts’ Why? Well you can go into a book shop and find many books all promoting definitions of non-verbal behaviour, you can open many newspapers and magazines all with brief glossy explanations of non-verbal communications.
You can turn on your TV and watch a multitude of programs about non-verbal communications and once again much of these expertises are saying the same set of parrot fashioned explanations with LITTLE TO ZERO explanation of other than so-called norms.
Of course some other than norms are quite obvious when you watch TV because so many Celebratories over rely on BOTOX their lack of non-verbal facial movement and expression tells you that they are likely highly vain botox users. (As an aside I should mention that botox does have genuine medical uses, my former step-daughter (having Cerebral Palsy) used to have botox injections in certain muscle groups enabling her the ability to physically move and exercise parts of her body that had over-tightened up, the botox relaxed the nerves causing the issue, and it was important for her normal growth and development.)
So what other other-than-norms are there, well I personally think there are way too many to list in a brief blog (and not just medical related ones), and that yes many are learned and can be unlearned-yet often the question has to be asked as to need? I for instance mentioned that I spent a couple of years as a teenager relearning how to walk and walking on crutches for a prolonged period of time can often change your posture (for instance) I recall that even after no longer having the crutches I was very much still (in body language terms) acting as though I were on crutches, example:- a tendency to have my head usually pointed downwards plotting my route through the walkway-traffic and so on. Now seeing myself with my head pointed downward many people are taught that such postures and non-verbal signals are highly negative and to be avoided, so you can see how one set of circumstances can lead to the next and the next and so on.
Now I am not suggesting that we all go about balancing books on our heads to learn good posture and so on though I am sure it can be good fun for the children. All I am saying is that you have to learn to see through OUTWARD facades. Most people are and I include those who have learned appropriate body language highly incongruent, because many have spent a lifetime worrying to much about how they appear to others without ever considering how they appear to themselves. You could say the extreme worry and the extreme vain are kinds of opposite polarities but there are always so-called tells and most or many of us are inbetweeners, we might look great in one environment and lousy in another, you could say that that is the principle that some TV shows rely on when they take and train people to Ice-skate or dance or eat maggots, the paradigm shift of discomfort caused by taking them out of one learned set of rules and placing them in another environment and seeing how they cope is as old as you or I.
The great thing about learning about underlying structures is that when you learn the underlying basics regarding layers and so on you can become more congruent where-ever and when-ever you are regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in. Congruence and alignment and integrity can bridge the gap and threshold between environmental circumstances.
I hope that brief explanation on top of what has gone before gives people a better way or process to trawl through some issues worries or fears they are still holding onto.
Thank you for reading-god bless and be well 🙂