A Christmas Fowl (Outline from a cancelled plot theme)

The Penfried Household (8 Months Earlier)

Scene 1: Mrs Penfried is in the kitchen chatting to mother on the phone, we hear her saying she will check, he’s in the other room

Mrs Penfried:  Honey can you check your diary, mummy says we can all go to hers on Boxing Day

Mongo: I’ll just check my diary darling (F**K, S**T, F**K, F**K) Ummmmn just finding the page honey, ummmmn

Mongo opens the page to find it is blank (OH GOD NO! F**K, B****X) ummmnnnn


Mongo: Sorry babes I’ll have to give it a miss, those bastards at the corporation are making us work, such a shame, you can go though we don’t both have to miss out.

Mrs Penfried returns to conversation with mother

Mongo hits the speed dial

Mongo: Corporal Jones, I have been looking through my diary and for some reason were not working December 26th, its a Thursday, you do realise the birds grow 24 hours a day 7 days a week don’t you,..(unheard response)..they’ll love it…I don’t know why we have never done it before….well I was going to put the idea to your boss anyway, of course if it came from yourself it would show how well we are working together, no don’t be ridiculous, I’ll let you roll with it, it can be your baby, you might even find a way to improve on it, make it your own so to speak…okay okay yes Sunday’s fantastic but definitely 100% the 26th YOU GOT THAT, you do know the Jewish Sabbath is Saturday anyway and we in the West really need to get our calendar’s straight, all this Westernization really upsets us British deeply, lets get back to the original values that’s the spirit. Okay byeee, PHEEEW



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