My Blocked Energies Hell

The interesting thing about this idea of blocked energies is of course that after a year or two of meditation you can think that you have let go and put the work in on these things only to later find that you have to admit that perhaps you are not as progressed as you thought.

How many of us for instance perhaps in our younger or formative years gave ourselves hypnotic process like statements such-as I do not want to be like my Mother/Father/Brother/Sister or any number of countless entitled individuals that we found ourselves in the presence of.

These processes go on working often outside of conscious awareness long after we had our childhood moment of anger or hurt or upset and I thought I had released much of that stuff only to find that more of it has come into my awareness-this is of course good in the sense that that enables me to release or give my self a stop command on a thought process or a replacement process altogether.

I am sure that I am not the only one to have found myself encountering these long lost idiosyncracies and it is often these types of things that are causing our inner conflicts when it comes to living life now. 

When I look back on them it does make me feel as though I am problem focussed instead of Solution focussed yet the methodologies offered do give you with repetition some greater understanding of my own seeming inability to progress.

The courses of course say very much that the Universe and Life in general is expansive and that is the nature of all things-hence another conflict for myself in the sense that as many of you are aware I want a simple quiet existence without conflict and so on.  So I perhaps taught myself to stay small and continuously give myself reason or justification for that and it is problematic in that it is a direct challenge to how reality is.  Perhaps that is what leads to thoughts feelings of depression and suicide and other unwanted or unhelpful health  conditions.

I certainly know from my own life History and past that the more I sought to stay small and unwanted and unloved and all the other kinds of excuses that my body/mind came up with the more extreme reactions I would have to how things in my World could have been.  So the negativity spiral is perhaps a trap that without delving into the non-conscious leads to self-harm and ever decreasing circles of no where to turn and no where to go and conditions of control freakery and so on.

When I say conditions of control freakery-I do of course mean that we often when we encounter control freakery of others respond in similar fashion and that of course in many ways becomes another of those paradoxical traps.  For instance I let go of many control freak type issues-If I am honest it has never been a real issue for myself anyway-yet disentangling oneself from others with such issues is problematic-as I have said previously I found that the less I responded to that nature in others very often the more others would up the ante-such is some folks need to be the centre of attention and so on.

So what are the ways to work through these things I wish I knew with certainty yet I do still find that some of the more depressing thoughts feelings and actions seem exceptionally appealing at times.

Enjoy your days 🙂

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