So this week as is often the case with school half-terms I was descended upon by my daughter and towards the end of the week I found myself presented with the following dilemma.
Daughter: “Dad, can I travel back on the train alone (dad is now to uncool to be seen with as is often the case with teenagers)”
Dad initially say “I’ll think about it for a day or two and we’ll also have to consult with your mother”
So what does dad’s brain do at this juncture?
Dad’s brain pulls up an image akin to this
despite the evidence of his eyes that he s actually dealing with this
So I reminded myself that she is no longer the baby of the first photo, I should also mention that I have been making the journey to fetch and collect her for some 10 years and it is very much a deeply embedded mental routine or process.
So I decide that she does need to have those kinds of personal growth and development experiences given that she is after all 15-I should also note that in travelling terms they have been exceptionally long days a two-way journey that has often been an entire day of anywhere between 8-10 hours of time when you add up all the waiting and preparation and changes (the train service has actually reduced the journey time by a full hour during that 10 years yet it never seems like it on some occasions). So the issue was not so much the age so much as the distance-I know many kids make such journey’s regularly yet they are not usually travelling for multiple hours over such a long distance-thankfully I can also choose a journey that involves no changes.
So dad says yes and then it is consult with mother.
Mother obviously deliberates for herself and also agrees the following day as long as dad runs through all the “what should I do in this scenario” thinking and strategies-so Rose gets to travel alone after the strangers, toilets, conductors, other peoples and you get the picture-what has been a safe pleasasnt and enjoyable adventure for ten years gets turned into a potential major Horror Story.
Rose also has some learning difficulties associated with her epilepsy and can be quite scatty anyway-so nothing to fret about there then.
So this morning we went to the station and waited for the train as has been done for 10 long years of visits and on this occasion she boarded the train alone and found a seat and looked out of the window with a mild look of concern at what she was now embarking on-the idea having been all of her own.
I myself did not feel right of course usually boarding the train and I had given her money for snacks and emergency and so on. Yes waiving someone of on a train really surprised myself in just how many thoughts feelings and overwhelm were being brought up into mind. I let mum know the train arrival time and asked to be informed upon arrival.
So I then return home and find myself having time on my hands to think about what I had done-said yes to a teenager suggestion OMG are you crazy/mad Dave etc.
I decided to distract myself with other things and patiently awaited the she’s arrived information, TICK-TOCK TICK_TOCK TICK and it is really strange how much those little creatures we collect from hospital affect us is it not-why am I feeling these feelings? etc. etc. I guess that making the investment to stay in my daughters life has been a huge investment and commitment for myself over the years and the idea that such thoughts and feelings can have such a negative psychological grip on oneself was actually quite surprising.
Anyway the call came in that she arrived all safe and sound and smiling-probably at the detail that I had said she could spend the emergency money on herself when she was saf and sound with her mum. So I hope the experience was a positive one for her and so on.
What else-well I decided to have a look at another couple of books-one was by BRUCE LIPTON (I think) entitled “Spontaneous Evolution” and the other “The Systems View Of Life” by a chap who has gone unmentioned by myself previously yet is well worth reading (I think) FRITJOF(or Fritiof) CAPRA.
Both of course it seems to myself at least are knowledgeable when it comes to all matters of the mind and the World Of Zen Philosophy and so on-I do read many other titles and authors that I do not mention yet in truth once you get into these types of courses you mind all the 0 degrees of separation when you start looking at Bibliographies and so on.
Likewise I decided to do that whilst catching up with some assisted meditation and I also downloaded a trial version of Scrivener and started working through the tutorial and I may well become a registered user of Scrivener when I have the money for the license and am happy that I have progressed with some written work-I also purchased a new website a couple of days ago to start building a new project with-I would actually like some assistance with that project if any of my readers are interested-I was thinking of linking a group of bloggers together-so that rather than these personal type blogs each person concentrates on a particular World Touring Sport-so if you follow Tennis or Golf or any Sport or particular subject area really and are a dedicated fan who could write as if they know what they are talking about-you may well be an associate or partner for the site-it is early days in the development of the project and I have not fully thought it through-yet the thinking is along the lines of a fashion/sports magazine or anything that can be contributed really-the idea from my point of view is to get a group of like minded meditators and users of similar technologies under one overall roof so that the upwards and outwards spiral can be accelerated perhaps.
Anyway if anyone is interested let me know and I will get back to you and yes you can use Pseudonyms if you prefer anonymity-hopefully once I sink my teeth into getting something up and running other likeminded folks can further our own personal challenges and goals and group challenges and goals-it is just an idea yet one I really would love to pursue if I can bring enough folks together, and yes you are of course allowed to play the game of black and white yet the journalistic style blogging is more akin to taking a more neutral stance and putting the argument / conjecture to the audience-hope that makes sense
Anyway I am of to wonder at how I can progress further in personal terms and enlightenment terms
Thank you for reading, God Bless and be Well 🙂